Lady Gaga Discography Ranked

For someone who opposes social boundaries with such vigor, I very much enjoy a good list. Ranking an artist’s discography is a great way for me to sit down and listen actively to the music of an artist I love in an orderly way. Lady Gaga is one such artist who was not only held paramount importance in my formative years, but continues to inspire me. Thus, for my first ranking post, I have decided to rank the discography of one of the greatest pop stars of our generation, Lady Gaga.

Now, for the rules. In this ranking, I will only be including complete, original albums which had global releases. This will include duet albums and soundtracks, like A Star Is Born and her jazz albums with Tony Bennett, but not remix albums, like Dawn of Chromatica. Beneath each album review, I will include a track ranking of the album. I will also include original tracks from deluxe releases of each album in said track rankings. Please keep in mind that, like with all art, my opinions are based on a subjective perspective individual to myself. In other words: IT’S MY OPINION! So, without further delay, let’s dive in!

11: A Star Is Born

What an incredible way to make her major motion picture debut. This album features the very grounded, almost classic rock style that Lady Gaga has enjoyed showing in the more recent points in her career. Not only is the emotion of the album influenced by the incredible character building she did for this film, but her vocals are just as raw and impressive as ever. She also showcases the country/road sound which I assume stayed with her on the heels of Joanne. Stylistically (and I’m sure this is partly due to the nature of her character’s journey in the film) this album isn’t as cohesive as the rest of her impressive discography and some of the more pop-style songs lack the bite of her solo music, but her lyrical work and powerhouse vocals make up for it. Some of the best parts of the album also feature the surprisingly compatible vocals of actor Bradley Cooper. Standouts from the album include two of her most poignant ballads after “Dope”, “I’ll Never Love Again” and “Always Remember Us This Way”

Overall, this album comes in last because of its stylistic inconsistency, the lack of “punch” and tenacity compared to the rest of her discography, and it’s more mainstream musical feel. While it ranks last in regards to her own discography, it is, however, still a fantastic work of art.

Track Ranking:

  1. I’ll Never Love Again

  2. Diggin’ My Grave

  3. La Vie En Rose

  4. Look What I Found

  5. Music To My Eyes

  6. Black Eyes

  7. Is That Alright?

  8. Always Remember Us This Way

  9. Alibi

  10. I Don’t Know What Love Is

  11. Out of Time

  12. Shallow

  13. Why Did You Do That?

  14. Before I Cry

  15. Hair Body Face

  16. Maybe It’s Time

  17. Too Far Gone

  18. Heal Me

10: Love for Sale

In the penultimate ranking, we have Lady Gaga and Tony Bennett’s second collaborative album. This album, featuring the music of Cole Porter, showcases Lady Gaga’s versatility and true understanding of music and its history. It’s the first of many examples on this list that boldly declares her as one of the most versatile artists in the industry. The album not only features an incredible balance of her smooth yet crisp jazz stylings, but provides a great many opportunities for us to be serenaded by the legendary Tony Bennett and his impressive vocal prowess. Even well into his nineties, he gave meaningful and expertly delivered vocal performances in songs like “Just One Of Those Things.” This album also features interesting reorchestrations of classic numbers, like an almost Bossa Nova inspired version of “I Concentrate On You.”

The drawback of this album is, ironically, what places it above A Star Is Born: its consistency. It’s to be expected, as all the songs had the same writer, but I felt this album lacked the variety of energy featured in albums higher in this ranking. The song structures were largely the same and the stylistic adjustments made in some of the arrangements weren’t enough to keep the tracks of this album from largely blending together.

Overall, it’s an exquisite introduction to the music of Cole Porter to Gaga fans who are jazz novices and a lovely highlight of music staples by two legendary musicians. Vocally, it’s nothing short of magical but stylistically, it lacks the appropriate variety to keep the listener as engaged as in her higher ranked albums.

Track Ranking:

  1. Let’s Do It

  2. Do I Love You

  3. I Concentrate On You

  4. You’re The Top

  5. I’ve Got You Under My Skin

  6. I Get A Kick Out Of You

  7. It’s De-Lovely

  8. Dream Dancing

  9. Night And Day

  10. Love For Sale

  11. Just One Of Those Things

  12. So In Love

9: Harlequin

Codenamed LG6.5, this next album was released as sort of a concept album in tandem with her third major motion picture Joker: Folie a Deux. “Harlequin,” in this case, is a reference to the clownish homonym for her character Harley Quinn. This album was a refreshing surprise from Lady Gaga. It married her love of classic music with the edgy, almost unhinged dynamic of her character. This jukebox-like work is made up predominately of standards and musical theatre songs performed in a way we’ve never heard before. A perfect example is her reimagination of “World On A String”, which sounds almost like a beachy hallucination. She also wrote two original songs inspired by her character’s journey. “Folie a Deux” is a mesmerizing, sinister waltz that pulls the listener into the beautiful madness of her romantic desires. “Happy Mistake” reveals a strikingly human side to what most would see as a lost and malevolent character.

While I have no major drawbacks from this album, I think the imbalance of impact the tracks have on the listener are the primary reason this album is ranked so low. While Lady Gaga’s vocal stylings are unsurprisingly astounding, some of the songs, like “Get Happy” just aren’t diverted enough from their original interpretations to properly lend themselves to the demanding emotional and musical blend of the album. While this album has high highs, like “That’s Life,” some of the lower ranked numbers just didn’t have the body to stand with them.

Overall, I thought this album was wildly entertaining, but wish the lower ranked songs had the spirit and tenacity of the songs ranked above them. This album was interesting, vocally stunning, and clearly an absolute labor of love for Mother Monster.

Track Ranking:

  1. That’s Life

  2. That’s Entertainment

  3. Folie a Deux

  4. Close To You

  5. The Joker

  6. Gonna Build A Mountain

  7. Happy Mistake

  8. If My Friends Could See Me Now

  9. World On A String

  10. Smile

  11. Oh, When The Saints

  12. Get Happy

  13. Good Morning

8: Cheek To Cheek

Following the success of “The Lady Is a Tramp,” Lady Gaga’s first collaboration with Tony Bennett on his 2011 album Duets II, the two partnered again in 2014 to release Cheek To Cheek. This marked a major turning point in Gaga’s career, as it was the beginning of her shift in public perception from an avant garde pop star to a versatile, multifaceted artist. For her first full length jazz release, she came out swinging (pun intended). Not only does this album feature a side of Lady Gaga that was new to fans and wider audiences alike, it showed her reverence for and mastery of the art of jazz. The album also featured vibrant, engaging arrangements of familiar standards, like “Anything Goes” and “I Won’t Dance.” It also demonstrates a softer, gentler side of Gaga’s voice in tracks like “Nature Boy” and “Lush Life.” Of course, no review of this album is complete without mentioning the force that is Tony Bennett. At almost 90, he delivers energetic, meaningful, terrific performances with ease. His voice blends beautifully with that of Lady Gaga’s and their kinship is palpable throughout the entire album.

This album is a masterpiece and only ranks so low on this list because it lacks the individual perspective featured in Lady Gaga’s original music. Though her vocals are spectacular, her musicianship is top tier, and her love of Tony and the jazz genre is clear; this album lacks the heart of her lived experience which is showcased in her original works.

Overall, this album is enjoyable for Lady Gaga and jazz music fans alike. It’s a great first step outside of the pop genre for Gaga and a wonderful introduction of Tony Bennett to a younger audience. With shining vocal performances, chemistry to spare, and permeable energy, this album is uplifting, exciting, and nothing short of a masterpiece.

Track Ranking:

  1. It Don’t Mean A Thing

  2. Lush Life

  3. Let’s Face The Music And Dance

  4. Nature Boy

  5. Firefly

  6. Anything Goes

  7. I Won’t Dance

  8. Goody Goody

  9. They All Laughed

  10. Cheek To Cheek

  11. I Can’t Give You Anything But Love

  12. Ev’ry Time We Say Goodbye

  13. But Beautiful

  14. Sophisticated Lady

  15. Don’t Wait Too Long

7: Joanne

The next album on this list is the first of Lady Gaga’s solo albums I will cover. Joanne is a country themed album named for her late aunt. This one is a slower burn, but grows on the listener quite easily. This album showcases a softer side to Lady Gaga, especially in contrast to her previous solo album ARTPOP. As usual, her vocals are strong and blend very well with her interpretation of the country style. We aren’t without hints of the harder, more aggressive vocal stylings we all love, however. Perfect examples can be found in “John Wayne,” which is a pound-the-pavement, racing-down-the-country-road masterpiece, and “Perfect Illusion,” the album’s lead single and a striking blend of rock/pop and country. We also get a feature from my favorite musician of all time, Florence Welsh. “Hey Girl” is a supportive, sensual song that sounds like the feeling of arms wrapping the listener in a warm hug.

The downside to this album are its lower ranked songs. This album is ranked lower than her other solo works because it features some of the least interesting songs in her discography, like “A-Yo” and “Million Reasons.” While they aren’t bad songs by any means, they just don’t have the punch to catch the listener like most of Gaga’s other original songs.

Overall, however, Joanne is another successful genre variation for Lady Gaga. With striking vocals, commitment to the style, and poignant songwriting, Joanne is a comforting and enlightening listen. This album is for the girlies and we love it.

Track Ranking:

  1. John Wayne

  2. Dancin’ In Circles

  3. Hey Girl

  4. Sinner’s Prayer

  5. Come To Mama

  6. Perfect Illusion

  7. Diamond Heart

  8. Grigio Girls

  9. Just Another Day

  10. Joanne

  11. Angel Down

  12. A-Yo

  13. Million Reasons

6: Chromatica

This next album got many of us through the pandemic. Chromatica is a house-inspired dance album that explores Lady Gaga’s emotional journey through her career. This is the only solo album of hers that features orchestral interludes, which divide the album into three distinct acts. These interludes (titled “Chromatica” I, II, and III) blend masterfully with the subsequent tracks. The “Chromatica II” to “911” transition is especially seamless and guides the listener into a powerful new sound for the second act of the album. The legendary Elton John also makes an appearance on “Sine From Above,” showcasing both his and Gaga’s unique vocal prowess and brilliant songwriting skills. “Replay” is another standout that both embodies the album’s unique sound and pays homage to icons of the past with it’s sample of “It’s My House” by Diana Ross.

This album ranks in the middle of Gaga’s discography because, while it’s a great example of her incredible vocal and musical skill, it lacks much of the risk and grit that make the top five albums on this list so exciting. It has all of the pop power we love from her, but leaves out a lot of the drama that make the higher ranked albums so enticing.

Overall, this album is perfect for listeners who love boppy, dancy tunes. From gorgeous orchestrations to hard hitting dance numbers, Gaga takes the listener on a unique journey into the land of Chromatica and we’re happy to be along for the ride.

Track Ranking:

  1. Sine From Above

  2. 911

  3. Enigma

  4. Sour Candy

  5. Replay

  6. Babylon

  7. Alice

  8. Free Woman

  9. Rain On Me

  10. Stupid Love

  11. Chromatica I

  12. 1000 Doves

  13. Plastic Doll

  14. Chromatica II

  15. Fun Tonight

  16. Chromatica III

  17. Love Me Right

5: The Fame

In 2008, the music industry was changed forever. Lady Gaga burst onto the scene with her first album, The Fame, with drive, dedication, and individuality to spare and I, for one, have never looked back. This powerful introduction is an unparalleled exploration of fame and its impact and a marvel of a debut album that catapulted Lady Gaga into international stardom. From show stopping dance numbers like “Poker Face” to genre bending numbers like “Summerboy” and “Disco Heaven”, this album has it all. Truly, The Fame has no skips. It’s an expertly crafted dive into the psyche of a young artist influenced by fame.

There are no drawbacks from this album. The Fame ranks at number five because it feels, however powerful and groundbreaking, like Lady Gaga is still finding her stride. This album just doesn’t feel as grounded as later works in her discography.

Overall, The Fame is the first major milestone in the incomparable career of Lady Gaga thus far. Her hard hitting dance-pop songs, powerful vocals, palpable emotion, and a solid point of view make this album truly one for the history books.

Track Ranking:

  1. LoveGame

  2. Summerboy

  3. Eh Eh (Nothing Else I Can Say)

  4. Starstruck

  5. Paper Gangsta

  6. Boys, Boys, Boys

  7. I Like It Rough

  8. Poker Face

  9. Disco Heaven

  10. Again Again

  11. The Fame

  12. Paparazzi

  13. Beautiful, Dirty, Rich

  14. Money Honey

  15. Just Dance

  16. Brown Eyes

  17. Retro Dance Freak

4: The Fame Monster

Immediately following her debut album was a succinct, but wildly impactful addendum to the first album called “The Fame Monster.” This album kept the hard hitting energy of the first album but featured a much darker sound, which was largely unexplored in mainstream pop music at the time. The Fame Monster was the beginning of Lady Gaga’s status as an icon. Although so early in her career, this album made it clear she was here to stay. With “Bad Romance”, “Telephone”, and “Alejandro”, she revolutionized the modern music video, breaking ground on a new avenue of dramatic storytelling. The album’s darker sound is accompanied by an escalation in production. The musical complexities, not only in the melodies but in the structure of the underlying synths (especially in “So Happy I Could Die” and “Alejandro”), elevate this album and set Gaga apart. This was a statement to the world; Lady Gaga is not just a pop star, she’s a master musician. And we can’t forget about the iconic collaboration with Beyonce in “Telephone”. The two powerhouse vocalists working together was just the cherry on top of an already magnificent album.

The only reason this album doesn’t quite break the top three is its length. Because it only has eight tracks, it doesn’t have the time to build an arc the way the top three albums do. While it’s a musical marvel, it simply doesn’t have the quantity of work to hold up against three albums that are equal or superior in quality.

Overall, however, this album is a foundational piece of pop music and a cornerstone of Lady Gaga’s career. It is a perfect display of the dark pop sound that Gaga helped pioneer and remains beloved to this day.

Track Ranking:

  1. Alejandro

  2. Teeth

  3. So Happy I Could Die

  4. Dance In The Dark

  5. Telephone

  6. Bad Romance

  7. Monster

  8. Speechless

3: MAYHEM

Lady Gaga’s most recent album certainly did not disappoint. MAYHEM is a perfect retrospective for Lady Gaga. Sonically, it guides the listener from the dark pop sound of her early career to a funky, new sound as she paves her way into this new era. Songs like “Abracadabra” and “Perfect Celebrity” are mirrors of songs like “Judas”, which embody the sound of her earlier career, while songs like “Shadow Of A Man” represent a funk influence that distinguish this new era of Gaga’s and keep her perspective fresh. This album also features some of the most ambitious vocal performances of her career. “Vanish Into You”, “Disease”, and “Blade Of Grass” are just a few standouts in an album comprised completely of vocal masterpieces. Some of her most poignant and grounded ballads make their appearances. “Die With A Smile” (featuring the incredible Bruno Mars) and the aforementioned “Blade Of Grass” are pinnacles of passion from Lady Gaga. They perfectly demonstrate the breadth of perspective she can communicate so eloquently in her music. “Blade of Grass” specifically shows us a level of comfort and vulnerability we don’t get to see very often, not just from Gaga but in pop music in general. Her ability to build an album where “Disease” and “Die With A Smile” make sense together is mind boggling and awe inspiring. One of the through lines of the album, and of Gaga’s career, is a reverence for music of the past. From the MJ-esque sound of “Shadow Of A Man” to the “Spellbound” sample on “Abracadabra”, Lady Gaga’s inspirations, both underground and mainstream, are displayed with honor and respect.

This album is a masterpiece. A brilliant retrospective and a funky, interesting look into the future all rolled into one. With MAYHEM, Lady Gaga proved, once again, that she is a master craftsperson, virtuosic musician, and a talent like no other.

Track Ranking:

  1. Vanish Into You

  2. Perfect Celebrity

  3. Abracadabra

  4. Shadow Of A Man

  5. Zombieboy

  6. Can’t Stop The High

  7. Kill For Love

  8. Die With A Smile

  9. Blade Of Grass

  10. Disease

  11. The Beast

  12. Killah

  13. LoveDrug

  14. Garden Of Eden

  15. How Bad Do U Want Me

  16. Don’t Call Tonight

2: ARTPOP

ARTPOP, arguably Lady Gaga’s most under appreciated album, takes the second place spot on my list. Sonically, this album is the hardest hitting album of her discography. She’s gone on record as saying she wanted to make an album that “hit harder than any drug.” She made ARTPOP at a tumultuous period in her life and the anguish and abandon she was feeling at the time is palpable in the music. This album embodies the sound of catharsis and features some of her most emotional, and in my opinion best, ballad of her career; “Dope”. Not only is it the most gut wrenching poetically, it is the ballad with her most striking vocal performance. Her raw emotion and remarkable range make devastation and longing sound easy and desirable. This album also features some of the most masterful production of her discography. “Aura” and “G.U.Y.” feature the talents of genius electronic musician and producer Zedd, while “Venus” is Lady Gaga’s first self produced track. The full and bombastic sound are best featured on “Aura” and “Swine,” which hide dark subject matter beneath the deafening, yet beautiful electronic/dance sound and perfectly encompass the heart of the album. ARTPOP doesn’t just focus on negative emotions, however. “Gypsy” is one of the most free sounding songs Gaga has ever written. Finding adventure and joy in being lost is the message I take from this remarkable display of Gaga’s impressive vocal and songwriting ability.

This album, like most of Gaga’s discography, is singular in sound. There is no other album that is able to wrap a broken heart and mind inside a boxing glove and hit the listener with infectious recklessness the way ARTPOP does. While appreciation was delayed, ARTPOP went No. 1 in 2021. A perfect example of Lady Gaga’s tenacity and longevity.

Note: In this track ranking, I will be using the version of “Do What U Want” featuring Christina Aguilera and NOT the version featuring the disgraced R. Kelly.

Track Ranking:

  1. Swine

  2. Aura

  3. G.U.Y.

  4. Fashion!

  5. Donatella

  6. Gypsy

  7. Venus

  8. Mary Jane Holland

  9. Dope

  10. Do What U Want

  11. ARTPOP

  12. Sexxx Dreams

  13. Applause

  14. MANiCURE

  15. Jewels N’ Drugs

1: Born This Way

Lady Gaga’s third studio album is her magnum opus. Born This Way is an album like no other. Listening to it was the first time I truly felt seen by an artist. Sonically, vocally, and poetically this album sits head and shoulders above most of the pop music canon. From hard hitting electronic numbers like “Judas” and powerful ballads like “You and I” to interesting, allegoric numbers like “Bloody Mary” and expertly produced bangers like “Marry The Night”, it is impossible for the listener not to be moved in some capacity by this FORCE of an album. Born This Way features a Lady Gaga who has sat into her persona and identity, but still has the hunger of a young artist. It’s edgy, experimental, reverent, and feisty. The rebellious sound is accompanied by heavy religious allegory. Finding the love of self in an oppressive world or ideology is a theme that runs throughout. From “Born This Way” to “Edge Of Glory”, the music tells the tale of someone living on the edge, but finding themselves for the first time. This album is a cornerstone, not just of Lady Gaga’s career, but of my own life.

The deluxe release features three magnificent tracks that only help round out an already perfect album. “Black Jesus + Amen Fashion” nails in the religious allegory in a modern and avant garde way. “Fashion Of His Love” is an exquisite vocal showcase and infectiously optimistic listen. “The Queen” is a show stopping powerhouse of a song with an outro that makes the listener feel as though they are sailing into a blissful night sky on a Challenger with wings.

This album also bends genres in a singular fashion. “Americano”, “You and I”, and “Electric Chapel” each blend in different genres to help provide a unique and diverse sound to the album.

Born This Way is Lady Gaga’s most interesting listen. Its massive body of work features her best songs and her most powerful messaging. The album is hard hitting, comforting, soothing, energizing, and rebellious all in one. No other artist has been able to blend genres, styles, and sounds the way Lady Gaga can and Born This Way is the pinnacle of her musical mastery. This is one of the best albums ever made, on this hill will I die.

Track Ranking:

  1. Bloody Mary

  2. Judas

  3. Black Jesus + Amen Fashion

  4. Heavy Metal Lover

  5. Fashion Of His Love

  6. Government Hooker

  7. The Queen

  8. Highway Unicorn (Road To Love)

  9. Marry The Night

  10. Americano

  11. Electric Chapel

  12. You and I

  13. Born This Way

  14. Sheiße

  15. Hair

  16. The Edge Of Glory

  17. Bad Kids

Thank you all for coming along with me on my ranking journey! Let me know if you’d like to see me rank any other artist or media and whether or not you agree with this ranking!

To Gay Men Of "LGB without T" Persuasion

It’s amazing what art can do to the human heart. Powerful enough stories can move us beyond where we thought we could go and open our eyes to perspectives we never considered. I write this on the heels of my first watch of Fellow Travelers which, for those not in the know, is a limited series telling the story of two gay men who meet and fall in love in McCarthy’s America.

While I could write an entire memoir about how this show impacted me and why it is so important and profound, I want to instead address cisgender gay men directly. Specifically those who are fighting to separate themselves from queer and trans people.

I finally understand.

I understand why you turn your backs on us. Why you choose to only fraternize and fornicate with those who look, dress, and act like you; who don’t challenge your view of yourself. It is all you have ever been allowed to know.

For a time, it was all any queer people were allowed to know. It wasn’t until 2003 that homosexual activity stopped being a criminal offense nation wide. Before many of the major milestones in queer liberation (Milk, Stonewall, etc), queer people were forced to live double lives. Worse, those who couldn’t or chose not to were tasked with concealing themselves lest they face social and legal repercussions.

For many, the mindset that required gay men to operate in the shadows hasn’t gone away, it’s simply taken a new form. Park bathrooms have become Sniffies. Queer speakeasies have become club darkrooms. Of course it is much safer now than it was before to be a gay man, but there are many cases where social stigmas that still exist require these men to continue living their lives from the closet. And gay men will continue to do so. No longer because their safety or their jobs are at risk, but because it is easier.

It is easier to go to your finance job, stay single, and only let yourself be open in gay safe spaces. It is easier to publicly condemn your trans and queer siblings to avoid being labeled a “groomer” or a “predator” by those who would just as soon see you go down with us. Gay men continue to hide because they can. They have a luxury that isn’t afforded to trans people.

Even during the AIDS epidemic, a time when the US government allowed its queer citizens to die, gay men could hide. Those who weren’t positive could stand and fight with their community or hide under their curtain of normalcy, exploring their loves and fears in silence and solitude.

Gay men will always have their safe havens; their Fire Islands, Eagles, etc. They can retreat behind excuses and social coding for as long as they breathe air, but they will never be able to hide from themselves.

It was Hawk’s story that brought upon this realization. His is not merely a story of reverence but a tale of warning. He spent his entire life cutting people off to avoid being hurt or inconvenienced and he ended up by himself. Both his real and false identities crashed around him. By the end, his queer allies had all but lost faith in him and the family he’d spent years crafting was splintered. His story is important, not just because it offers insight into the emotional and political trials of our queer forebears, but because of how he chose to handle them. At every turn, he chose himself over community. In the end that choice doomed his connection to both.

Fellow Travelers made me realize that, at least for queer people living in a country still attacking our freedoms, choosing your community IS choosing yourself.

To the men who would prefer to hide; who find it easier to fall into old patterns of behavior that were for so long forced upon us I beg you: Please break the cycle. You need not hide. Unlike in the mid 20th century, we live in a time where our collective voice has an unprecedented strength and reach. It is no longer necessary to live your lives in the shadows. We have reached a point in history where we can let queer and trans people fight alone and be vilified by those who don’t understand us or don’t know better. Or we can all come together to ensure what happened in Germany in the 1930s doesn’t happen again. We can come together to make sure we don’t have to make AIDS quilts for our trans sisters. We can come together to make sure the queer people of our future don’t have to lose another entire generation of elders.

Trans people are being attacked in America, but not like we’ve never seen. History is repeating itself. Our government and many of our fellow citizens are choosing normalcy over humanity. The system over the people.

Please don’t turn on us. Think about how much more difficult it will be to take the easy road when it no longer exists. Without trans people to scapegoat, gay safe spaces are the next targets. Those safe spaces, that would not have been possible without trans women like Sylvia Rivera and Marsha P. Johnson and so many more, would no longer be safe. And you would be standing alone.

Without us there is no you and without you there is no us. We are and always will be stronger together. In this time of crisis for the trans community, it is those who have the ability to exist passably in normalcy who will turn the tide. Those who have made up their minds about queer and trans people won’t be swayed by looking at us and being reminded of our humanity. But maybe learning about their peers, those who they view as one of them, will bring about change.

So the choice is yours. You can support the “LGB without the T” propaganda and bite the hand that has uplifted you, supported you, and thrown bricks for you. Or you can choose to recognize us for what we are. People. People who love and err and feel and fight and deserve the same freedoms we helped achieve for you. But know that if you choose to fight with us, you will never fight alone. Queer and trans people have NEVER failed to join the fight for queer liberation and this one is no different. We are here to stay and so are you.

Let’s create a world where you are no longer the only person you can trust. Let’s break the boundaries and cycles forced upon us by others. Let’s rise up together. For a better, freer, safer, and more honest tomorrow.

On The Meaning of Human Life

Lately, I’ve been thinking about why we do this. Live, that is. It’s exhausting, it’s painful, and in the grand scheme of the universe, what we do means absolutely nothing. What joy or comfort we bring to ourselves and others is fleeting and impermanent. So why do we keep going? What’s the point?

There isn’t. And that’s the point. I’ll explain, I promise.

Even before I realized what it was, I struggled with mental darkness. Suicidal ideations have plagued me for years, not in the form of plans or action, but in the desire to go to sleep and not wake up. In high school and college it was easier to ignore. I was too busy, tired, and/or preoccupied to spend any real time or energy focusing on why every action feels like a chore.

The pandemic, of course, gave me ample time to take that leap into my own mind but I was afraid to give those thoughts any of myself. I was, as most of us were, more isolated than I had ever been and was working through that nasty little “sleeping through meals” problem I developed in college. It wasn’t until I moved to New York and understood real freedom for the first time that I realized how trapped I was. How trapped we ALL are in our infinite and overwhelming unimportance. It’s ironic that at my most free, I felt my most stuck.

I reached one of my lowest points in November of 2022. I had thought about dying for years, but I never considered actually taking the steps. So, when I entered the kitchen and had a very clear vision of myself using a butterknife to open up my left forearm (vertical for results), I was quite surprised. Not at the absolute stupidity of thinking I could kill myself with a butterknife (I’d have better luck with a piece of paper), but at the fact that with no prompting or impetus, my brain could make that leap. My mind made it look so easy. Spooky stuff, indeed.

Of course I sought therapeutic and psychiatric help (anybody else take a little “happy pill” every day) but I changed something else that day. Until that point, I had run myself ragged admonishing myself for not sending every waking moment on developing my career or working in some capacity towards the life I want. My world view was completely shrouded in the idea that hard work meant no stopping points. The constant hustle. Before I could make any headway into tackling the burnout that helped exacerbate my desire to disappear, I had to change my mindset. That began with an epiphany.

Death is coming. It is the threshold every living creature will cross. The ultimate human experience. When I fantasize or worry about when that time will end for me, I remind myself that it will come regardless of whether or not it’s my choice. I might as well stick around, if for no other reasons than entertainment value and curiosity.

This mindset change wasn’t a cure-all, however. If death was coming for us all, then what difference do the maybe 40/50 extra years we give ourselves make. My current view of mortality rests on the conclusion that those years don’t matter. None of them do. So then, I ask myself, what makes any of this have meaning? What makes this endless cycle of living and feeling and struggling and dying we all undertake worth the trouble? For that answer, I turn to the Law of Conservation of Energy.

As with mass, energy cannot be created nor can it be destroyed. It simply shifts from one state to the next. Always moving and always present. Accepting the universe as infinite and undying, our actions on this planet are meaningless when compared to the breadth of a never-ending reality. Even if we do something to completely redefine this planet, Earth will die when the Sun cools in a couple billion years. And if we make it off this planet, the next one may be obliterated in a supernova or swallowed by a black hole. Humans may make it to a planet we thought habitable only to encounter a devastating cataclysm.

Keeping this in mind, I have rested on a philosophy of life a friend called “Optimistic Nihilism.” Because the universe is infinite, our actions mean nothing. It is impossible for us to take action that will result in any absolute permanence. So the reason for existing is simply to exist. In an infinite universe, the particles and energy that have existed forever have come together to create me for the short time I have. To create you for yours. Even in a reality where odds are obsolete, there is an almost zero percent chance of us existing again as we do now on this planet. So our fleeting human emotions and conflicts and struggles give us a reason to experience them. We are the only versions of us that ever will. The joy we feel will only ever be felt by us. Same for the triumph, the love, the sorrow, the impermanence. And because our lives have no real lasting impacts, our deaths won’t either. The reason for living is to live. To experience. In my mind, there is simply no reason not to.

A mindset change doesn’t magically solve problems. As is the nature of humanity, I get stuck in mental paradoxes and spirals. I have trouble turning off the noise in my head. But I am content to see where my time in this vast, magical, incomprehensible universe will take me. I am content to see who’s fleeting, unimportant human experiences pass mine and what joy or art can only be made from our innate individuality.

And who knows, I may change my mind about all of this. My view may shift. I may lose hope; may decide I’m more important than I am; may decide love will endure beyond all of us. But I will stick around to see those changes. There is only one me. There will only ever be one me. So, I intend to see how far this me can go.

Introductions are in Order

Welcome to The Thought Box; a hub for thoughts, reviews, articles, and tales from the mind of Chris Frost. In hopes of making these posts as regular as possible, post category and style will rotate weekly. Here we will discuss history, art, current events, and the greater purpose of humans in our universe. I may even write poetry!

Stay tuned for weekly updates! More will come shortly.

Warm Regards and Many Thanks,

Chris Frost